Black Letter Day
by TDWidow
Summary: Sometimes you get a feeling and it can ruin your entire day. Derek Shepherd's about to learn that the hard way.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** This is a crossover between _Grey's Anatomy_ and _Lost_…sort of. No _Lost_ characters actually show up – it's more that they're just referenced. I wrote this a long time ago – the story takes place mere days after Oceanic 815 crashes and during the second season of GA just after the two-part episode with the Code Black (the bomb episodes) – so it doesn't take into account anything that happens in the recent episodes of either show.

I'm watching _Lost_ on my DVR right now – please don't spoil anything that happens in the last month or so in any reviews! Thanks :-)

**DISCLAIMER** I don't own any of these characters.

Everything was shaking.

It happened all of a sudden. One minute everything was fine and the next he was deafened by the rattling of the walls and ceiling and floor around him. His seat trembled violently. He clutched desperately at the armrests, praying it would stop.

It didn't. It only got worse. A panicked voice came on the loudspeaker, but he couldn't make out her words. He was choking; thick black smoke rose up all around him and flooded his lungs. Hacking coughs racked his body as he gasped for fresh air. The heavy, oily blackness clung to his nose and coated his lips.

Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew that it shouldn't be getting hot like it was. That was a bad sign. But the panic was too strong. He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself and push the panic away, but choked again on the smoke. The panic completely took over. Dimly, he was aware that the heat was coming from fire and that it was creeping closer to him. Between the smoke and the fire, he would be dead in a matter of moments. He was a doctor. He knew what smoke inhalation did.

He felt himself pitching forward and braced himself. He knew what was coming. He prayed furiously and said goodbye to the woman he loved. Eyes squeezed shut, he waited for the end.

There was a horrible crunching sound and a final shudder. Everything went black.

Derek Shepherd woke himself up with a shout. He was covered in sweat and the sheets that were wrapped tightly around his chest and legs were soaked with it. He scrambled back against the headboard, wincing as the sheets were pulled even tighter around his body, pinching and cutting off his circulation. His breath came in ragged gasps as he blinked in the dark. He was cold now, but the memory of the flames licking his skin would not go away.

It took a few moments for his red-haired wife to wake up at his distress. She blearily rubbed her eyes and squinted at him. "Derek?" she asked. "What's wrong? Did you get paged?"

"No." He untangled himself from the bedclothes and paced restlessly around the tiny bedroom. "Go back to sleep, Addison."

But it was too late. Addison was fully awake and knew that Derek was deeply troubled. "Don't give me that. Something's really wrong!" She too slid out of bed and tried to calm him down. "Derek, stop. Please, tell me what's the matter."

He stopped and looked at her. "I need to go."

"What do you mean, go?" she demanded. "It's three in the morning! Derek!"

But he wasn't listening. Addison's protests fell on deaf ears as he climbed into the shower, but had to keep the water cold because the heat was still so vivid from his dream. His scrubs were at the hospital so he pulled on faded grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt that used to belong to Meredith.

Addison knew that the sweatshirt wasn't his and she had a pretty good idea where he had gotten it. Familiar jealousy boiled in her veins. "You're going to see her, aren't you?" she asked.

Derek didn't answer. He continued to get ready, dragging a comb through his dripping black hair. Addison shook her head. "You're going to see her just like you did last week."

He turned to her, an angry flash in his eye. "Last week she was seconds away from being blow up. And no, I am not going to see her. I'm going to the hospital. I need to clear my head."

His words did nothing to reassure her. He felt bad about that, but was so unsettled that there wasn't anything he could think of to say. Instead, he opted to give Addison a kiss on the forehead and whispered, "I'll see you at work."

Addison stood and watched him leave, a single tear escaping her control before she turned and went reluctantly back to bed. The bed felt cold without him.

…

The sky was an inky black as Derek took the ferry into the city. Most of Seattle was still asleep and the lights of the metropolis were muted. When he finally reached Seattle Grace Hospital, only a handful of rooms glowed brightly in the pre-dawn darkness.

Derek made his way up the stairs to the break room. Lack of sleep made him drag and the silent ferry ride had calmed his nerves. There were still two hours before he had to be on duty. He hoped maybe he could fall asleep again.

He pushed the door open and flooded the small room with fluorescent light. A blonde woman sat up on one of the beds, blinking in the brightness. She squinted. "Derek?" she asked.

Derek's heart sped up at the sound of her voice. "Meredith. What are you doing here?"

She stretched and yawned. "Izzie and I were on call. We've been napping in turn."

"Oh."

They stood in silence for a minute. Finally, Meredith looked at him closely. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah." Then he laughed to cover the sudden tears that had gathered in his eyes. "I had a feeling."

She stood up. "I've had those before."

"I remember. Didn't work out too well as I recall."

"Nope."

Resisting the urge to reach out for her, Derek asked, "How are you?"

"I'm fine." But the tone of her voice spoke volumes. "So tell me about your feeling."

Derek sat down on the metal-framed bunk bed. "It was a dream. Was yours a dream?"

"Mine wasn't a dream," Meredith said.

"Well, mine was a dream. I was in an airplane and suddenly something happened. There was fire and this thick black smoke. I was choking on it. Everything was shaking."

Meredith waited for him to continue. "Then?" she prompted.

He shrugged and shook his head. "Then nothing. I woke up."

"Derek, it was just a bad dream."

"Yeah." He looked up at her, his expression serious. "But now I have a feeling."

She nodded. "Now you have a feeling." She sat in the rickety chair by the door. "Is there anything I can do?"

Just then, the door opened. "Mere, are you up yet? I'm dying to sleep." Izzie Stevens came into the room, but froze when she saw Derek on the bed. "Dr. Shepherd!"

He stood up quickly. "Dr. Stevens."

"I, uh, didn't know you were here," Izzie said. "I'll just, uh, leave you alone." She ran out and shut the door behind her.

"Izzie, wait!" Meredith called. She looked back at Derek. "Maybe get some sleep. It might help make the feeling go away." Then she opened the door and started after Izzie. "Izzie, it's not …"

Derek groaned and fell face-first into the pillow. It would be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER** I own nothing from _Grey's Anatomy_ or _Lost_.

He was awakened later by Addison gently shaking his shoulder. "Derek, wake up!"

He groaned into the thin pillow. "Addison? What are you doing here?"

As he forced his eyes open, he saw her frown. "This is the on-call room. Where else would I look for you?"

"Uh, right." Derek sat up and rubbed the back of his neck.

Addison sat beside him, hesitantly putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He frowned. "I was dreaming that I was on a desert island."

"Ooh!" Addison grinned. "Like with beautiful beaches and drinks with little umbrellas in them? Sign me up!"

Derek abruptly stood up and her face fell. "I was just joking," she said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." Then he left the on-call room and headed for the locker room. The truth was, he was not fine. Meredith had been wrong. Sleep had not made the feeling go away; it had made it worse.

In his latest dream, he had been on a desert island. What he had told Addison was true, but the island was not a paradise like she had assumed. There was something dark and sinister lurking in the forest, just beyond the edge of the beach that he was on. And the same black smoke that he had seen on the airplane was everywhere.

As Derek trudged toward the locker room, he found himself glancing around corners for the smoke from his dreams. He groaned and cursed himself for his paranoia. He needed a case to occupy him and take his mind off of everything that was bothering him.

Preston Burke was in the locker room when Derek opened the door. "Good morning, Derek," he said.

Derek nodded. "Morning, Preston."

Burke eyed him critically. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said. Inwardly, he sighed. He had a feeling he would be saying that a lot today.

Burke stood staring at him for a moment, then shrugged and headed for the door. "Well have a good day."

"You too."

Then Derek was alone again. His eyes were heavy, but he fought the urge to go to sleep. He had to work, but more than that, he never wanted to see that beach again.

Addison found him as soon as he reappeared on the floor. "Derek, there's – "

But he was in no mood to talk to her. "Not now, Addison," he said."

"But – "

"I said not now!" He left in search of Bailey and the interns. Every step away from his wife added to his guilt about how he had treated her since leaping out of bed at three am. It was not Addison's fault that he had a feeling. It was also not her fault that she was not Meredith.

At his belt, his pager went off. The Chief wanted him in the ER. Abruptly, he changed direction and headed for the elevator.

The doors opened to reveal Meredith standing in the elevator already. "Hey," she said.

He joined her, but did not face her as the doors closed. "Hey."

"How's your feeling?" she asked.

"Still there."

"Any better?"

He shook his head. "Worse."

Before either could say anything else, the doors opened on the main floor and they headed together into the ER. Chief Webber was already there, as well as Dr. Bailey and Alex Karev. "What's going on?" Derek asked as he approached the group.

Webber indicated a bed hidden just behind a curtain. "Twenty-seven-year-old male brought in with severe head trauma from a plane crash."

For some reason, the news put him on edge. "Should we expect more casualties from the crash?" Derek asked.

"No, it was a single-person aircraft. He crashed just outside the city."

Derek took the chart from the Chief and scanned it quickly. "Alright, let's take a look."

He pushed aside the curtain and was overwhelmed with panic. The sight of the young man with his head bandaged combined with the knowledge that the injuries were sustained in an airplane crash caused Derek's heart to race and sweat to break out on his forehead. Webber frowned. "Derek?"

"Dr. Shepherd, are you okay?"Bailey asked.

A few deep breaths helped him to even his breathing. "I'm fine, Dr. Bailey, thank you." He forced himself to look at the patient again. "I'm going to need a CT scan and full blood work-up."

Bailey nodded. "Karev, schedule the CT, Grey the blood work."

Alex left for the nurse's station to call Radiology, but Meredith had met Derek's eyes and did not move. Bailey must have noticed, for she snapped, "Grey! Blood work! Now!"

Flustered, Meredith turned around and retreated into the curtained cubicle. Webber glanced at his watch and hurried away, while Bailey left to track down her other interns. Derek was left alone. Only then did he let the shakiness overwhelm him and he collapsed into a chair.

This was ridiculous. He had treated dozens of plane crash victims over the course of his career, but his dream and the feeling that refused to go away made the case seem like an omen of bad things to come.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Addison coming toward him. He tried to think of an excuse to leave, but just as she reached his side, his pager mercifully went off.

She looked like she was about to say something, but Derek did not give her the chance. "Sorry Addison. The Chief wants to see me."

Addison just nodded sadly. "Okay."

She followed Derek as he headed for the lobby, but hung back in the doorway. She knew what was coming and as much as she wanted to be there for her husband, she knew he would not want too many people crowding him.

Across the hall, Meredith was headed to the lab with two vials of blood. She saw the Chief come in through the front doors with an older woman and head toward Derek. Alex, Cristina, Bailey, and Burke were scattered throughout the lobby, watching everything unfold.

Derek was confused. "You wanted to see me, Dr. Webber?"

The Chief nodded. "I don't know if Addison ever got your message, but your mother is here."

Derek saw his mother by the hospital entrance and frowned. "Mom?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

She had been crying. Her nose and eyes were red and she carried a handkerchief as she walked toward her son. "Hi Derek. I'm sorry to bother you at work."

He hugged her. "Mom, what's wrong?"

Mrs. Shepherd dabbed at her eyes and sighed. "Something's happened, Derek. To Jack."

Derek felt a chill race down his spine. "Jack?" he repeated. "What?"

"He was on his way back from Australia," she said, her voice trembling. "And his plane disappeared over the South Pacific. They think all the passengers are dead!" Then she broke down in Derek's arms.

Meredith glanced at Addison, who returned the look. The two women, friendship prevented by the painful love of the same man, were united for a moment in their confusion. Who was Jack? Addison shrugged just the smallest bit, then looked back to her husband and the moment was broken.


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** Short story, I know, but hopefully you enjoyed it! I wasn't originally going to make Jack and Derek twins, but Matthew Fox and Patrick Dempsey were born in the same year, so I figured, why not?

**DISCLAIMER** I own nothing from _Lost_ or _Grey's Anatomy_.

Meredith found Derek later that afternoon sitting alone in a stairwell. She said nothing as she sat next to him. For a few minutes, the two of them sat in silence apart from the echoes of doors and footsteps above and below them.

Then suddenly, Derek said, "Jack is my brother."

She frowned. "But you told me you only had sisters."

"I lied."

They fell back into uncomfortable quiet. Again it was Derek who spoke first. "When we were six, our parents got divorced. Mom had custody, but Jack threw such horrible tantrums that before long she sent him to live with our father. Mom and Dad hated each other so much that we hardly ever heard anything about Jack after that." He sighed. "I know he's a doctor and I know that he was on his way back from Australia with Dad's body, but that's it."

Meredith had picked up on the things he had said and was frowning. "When you were both six?"

He nodded and gave her a flat look. "We're twins."

She opened her mouth but could not find words. Twins? Derek had a twin? "You have a twin?"

Ruefully, he nodded. "I have a twin."

"And now he's missing."

"Missing and presumed dead."

What else was there to say? "I'm sorry."

He stood up and shrugged. "Nothing to be sorry for. But at least I know what that feeling was all about."

Cocking her head, Meredith said, "Your brother's plane crash?"

He nodded. "What else could it be?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've never had a twin. Or any siblings for that matter."

He said nothing, choosing to silently hug her. "Thank you," he finally said.

"For what?" she asked.

"For trying to understand." Then he rested his hand on the door handle. "I better go. You know, check on my mom."

She nodded. "You should do that. I'll talk to you later."

Derek nodded and disappeared through the door. Meredith sighed before heading downstairs. She had the sudden urge to call her mother.

…

Addison found Derek's mother sitting alone in the Radiology waiting room and staring out the window. "Hi," she said softly.

The older woman looked up. "Addy, hi." She stood up and looked around. "I wasn't sure where to go. This seemed the quietest place."

Smiling sadly, Addison nodded. "It is. How are you doing?"

Mrs. Shepherd sighed and sank back down in the chair. Addison sat beside her. She said, "You don't ever get used to it."

"Get used to what?" Addison asked.

"To losing people," Mrs. Shepherd replied. "When my husband and I divorced, I had to get used to living alone with my children." She smiled wryly. "Apparently I didn't do that very well. It's been over twenty years and I still go by Mrs."

Addison shook her head and looked at the floor. "That's not necessarily a bad thing."

Mrs. Shepherd shrugged. "It doesn't matter now. Then when Jack left to live with Christian, I had to get used to it again. But to get the news that Christian had died and suddenly Jack's gone too…" She trailed off, shaking her head.

Addison looked at her. "You can't lose hope! Jack could still be alright."

Putting a hand on Addison's arm, Mrs. Shepherd said, "You've always been so optimistic. Try not to lose that."

Thoughts of Derek and Meredith assaulted Addison's mind and she just nodded. "I'll try," she told her mother-in-law.

"Good."

Just then, Derek pushed the door open. "Mom, I've been looking everywhere for you," he said.

She stood up. "Hello Derek."

Derek looked between Addison and his mother. "Having a little chat?"

Addison stood up quickly. "I'll let you two alone."

As she let the door to the waiting room swing closed, she heard Mrs. Shepherd sat, "Come on Derek. There's that you need to help me do."

…

Derek held his mother's trembling hand as she pushed open the door to the hospital's chapel. "Are you sure about this?" he asked.

She nodded. "You need this too, Derek."

Regretfully, he nodded. Together they went into the small sanctuary.

There were candles along one of the walls, with a box of long matches lying on the table. Slowly, Mrs. Shepherd pulled out two matches and handed one to her son. Her hand was surprisingly steady as she struck the match and lit one of the candles. "For Christian Shepherd," she said, her voice soft.

Derek lit the other match and touched the flame to another candle. "And for Jack."

They were silent for a minute, watching the tiny flames. Then Mrs. Shepherd said, "May they rest in peace."

…

Meredith paused at the front door of Seattle Grace to wrap her scarf around her neck before heading home. The sky was soft black and a few stars shone through the reflection of the city lights.

She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Derek trudging toward her, his head down. "Hey," she said.

He looked up to meet her eyes. "Hey," he said.

Meredith peered behind him. "Where's your mother?"

"She caught a cab earlier back to a hotel," Derek said.

She frowned. "How are you holding up?" she asked.

He met her eyes and she could tell that he was upset. "We lit candles in the chapel," he said. "To wish them to rest in peace."

"But?" Meredith prompted.

"But I don't believe Jack is dead," Derek admitted. "Call it crazy or ESP or some kind of twin bond. But Jack is alive."

Meredith could hear the certainty is his voice and allowed herself a small smile. "Jack is alive."

Giving her a kiss on the cheek, Derek said, "Thank you, Meredith. Thank you for everything today."

She smiled. "No problem. Goodnight Derek."

"Goodnight."

They left the front steps of the building together but parted ways in the parking lot. Meredith returned to her mother's house, comforted in the knowledge that although she was sick, Ellis Grey was at least alive. And Derek returned to his trailer, secure in his hope that somewhere Jack Shepherd was alive and someday would show up again.


End file.
